I know in my hearts of heart that we can't have it together all of the time.
At times we need to unzip that armour and let it all spill, tumble and flop out.
I know in my heart of hearts that I can't have it together all of the time. Bare with me for a minute lovely, as I need to go back and retype that last line again for myself.
I can't have it together all of the time.
I know it to be true. Lord knows I have seen and felt it be to be true (many times). But.
I am was the together friend, sister colleague, partner, daughter. The girl with her shit together.
Who meets you with a listening ear. The one who puts on her problem-solving cape when you need to bounce around ideas or fix your problems.
I love helping people. I love showing up for my people. I relished being the self-appointed “together friend” and therein lies the problem.
I took on this persona of being the one who has it all together all the time. Because that version of me is far more palatable than the one who is broken. Confused. Depressed. Negative. Anxious. Hopeless, with more questions than answers.
We're told those layers make us weak and unattractive. They make others uncomfortable. Hell, they make ourselves uncomfortable. So it is best to only show our “shiny bits".
So I got so used to masking my messing layers. Thinking it was making me stronger. When in fact it was making me more fragile because I didn't know how to deal with these feelings when they arose.
For those times when I didn't have it all together, I took my cues from that well-known phrase we've all been served up a thousand and one (and then some) times.
“Fake it till you make it”
Sheesh does that phrase have a lot to answer for.
We get told when we start a new job, skill, hobby, parenthood - fake it til you make it.
Well, what if MAKING IT was just taking the steps to do the thing.
& we embrace the fact that it's going to be a messy journey. Full of failings, learnings and victories. There is nothing wrong with that. It's just the process.
Plus, who determines when we've “made it” and are we are no longer a “fake”?
The bar will always be pushed higher and higher as we accomplish new steps and move on to the next level. It's a never-ending cycle that breeds imposter syndrome. More on that to come another time.
For now, I'm unsubscribing from the “fake it, til you make it” narrative and urging you to do the same.
I'm learning not to fear or mask the mess.
As I type I'm fighting the urge to part ways with you leaving this piece in a neat and tidy bow. A conclusion for you to take away
But I don't have one & that is how I shall meet you today with warm welcoming arms, curiosity and my armour unzipped.
Will you join me and leave behind the path of faking it till you make it?
Lemme know.